9.11

Today has come.
Today has almost left.
I woke up thinking about 9.11.  All day it has been on my shoulder.  Seems so hard to understand and feel for others that have dealt with such extreme tragedy.  We say we understand and are sorry for their losses but it really is hard to truly feel for all those families. And there were so many families.

I've watched programs on 9.11 this week and thought so many times how I'd explain this to Andrew.  Eventually it will come up, it has to doesn't it?  How can you shield little people from something like this?
But how do you explain it?

I remember that day.  I remember it clearly.  I remember where I was sitting in my office tower downtown. I remember the tea cup and Earl Grey that filled that cup and how it was luke warm.  I remember the small radio I had in my office that my Grampa Patrick gave to me, it was always stuck on CBC, that day, after 7:00 am it went crazy with the reports over and over and over.  ALL DAY LONG. I remember feeling afraid to leave my office, like it had been our building that was hit. I remember knowing that it was a world away, another country, another city, but knew it could also be in the building across the street.  I remember.

I walked the halls at Canadian Hunter asking people what the hell was happening.  A lot of us did. Within minutes a few of us made our way to the Marketing floor to find the TVs.  We stood and stared and watched them fall.
Tears.
Breathless.
Heart pounding.
Pain.
I'll never ever forget it.
Oh my god!

At 27 years old, the world seemed a really really huge place.  My naivety had me thinking it was huge, but at peace, at least on "our" side of the world. Yes there was drama and hardship all around us by how could this have happened?  Why would anyone anywhere ever ever think this needed to be done? Was this real, or was CNN just making it all up?

The days went by.  I remember closing my eyes and the news reports played over in my mind.  You know, like when you've watched a scary film that freaked you out.  It was in fact, a horrible film, it just wasn't out of Hollywood.  Those reports reeled over and over in my brain for weeks.
The weeks went by.
Many September 11ths passed.
2002, 2003, 2004
2007
2008
2009...

I now have my own family and can't for a second imagine having to explain to Andrew that Daddy was never coming home.  Or the days that would follow without him.  I know none of us can.  But many families did.  Today, while watching the memorial services I realized some families lost 2, 3, 4 members.  Mom's Dad's Aunts Grandparents and even little people.  My heart just hurts for them.

Today I hugged the wee Bean a lot more.
Today I reminded myself of what is important.

We were all affected.  Our world is a different one now.  How could it not be?  It is just so sad.  I can't seem to find another word that fits. Just SAD.

I believe our world is full of more good than bad.  It has to be doesn't it?

It happened in an entirely different phase of my life, but it really feels like it was "just yesterday".

"Where were you when the world stopped turning that September day?" (Alan Jackson)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AW8puRqE4Sc&feature=related

Peace...